Friendly Persuasion

by Gwen Cooper — April 13, 2007

Sadly, this week I'm your dating blogger who's been too busy to date. Life is just a tad hectic right this second...

I have, however, been spending time with a new friend who’s also an old boyfriend I’ve written before about how bad I’ve generally been at remaining friends with my exes, so this is something of a new experience for me.

In lieu of actual dating adventures, therefore, I offer you the following list of guidelines for transitioning into a friendship with an ex-partner, once the “magic” is gone. This list comes from my own depth of knowledge on the subject, based on an entire 72 hours of experience. Enjoy!

1. Don’t immediately ask how his or her love life is going these days. This is a subject you’ll probably want to ease into more slowly. Also, be sensitive enough not to open with something like, “I’m sooooooo happy and in love right now.” But, should you find yourself on the receiving end of a discussion like this earlier than you’d anticipated, act thrilled even if you aren’t.
2. If you’re meeting your ex over cocktails, it can become all-too-easy to fall into old habits, such as comfortably resting your hand on his/her shoulder or thigh. Avoid doing this. It sends mixed signals.
3. Don’t remind your ex of his or her “mother issues,” bad habits, bad jokes, sloppy apartment, poor fashion sense, or anything else that might fall into the category of “Reasons Why We Broke Up in the First Place.” Someday, you may reach the point where you can look back on all that and laugh. That day is probably not going to occur within the first 72 hours of your reunion.
4. Don’t offer to fix him or her up with your “great friend” who’s “just perfect” for him or her due to an almost superhuman ability to put up with all the bad traits listed above.
5. Don’t say things like, “Remember how mediocre the sex was between us???” You may think you’re offering this in the spirit of being completely comfortable with how ill-suited you were as a couple, but nobody wants to hear that.
6. Don’t stack a meeting with your current flame right on top of your get-together with your ex, creating a possible situation in which the two of them meet face-to-face. That’s just awkward.

Do you guys have any other tips? I’d love to hear them!

Until next week…

Gwen Cooper is the author of Diary of a South Beach Party Girl, just published by Simon & Schuster.