Clear Signals

by Gwen Cooper — June 11, 2007

I've been counseling a male friend--the one I wrote about a couple of weeks back--through his recent dating adventures. My friend has recently gotten out of an eight-year relationship and, as he tackles the single life anew, he's been having trouble interpreting "signals" from the women he's seeing. I heard about his most recent sources of confusion through a mutual friend and have therefore been unable to offer him advice directly, so I thought I'd take a moment here to give my two cents (and see if I can get any agreement/disagreement from some of our female readers).

1. When a woman returning home from a business trip has to deal with a flight that's been delayed three hours, but still wants you to "come by" her place for your scheduled date at midnight (instead of the 8:00 start-time you'd originally planned on), she wants you to make a move. "Come over at midnight" instead of "let's re-schedule for another day" strikes me as being a pretty clear signal.

2. When a woman you've been out with on three dates with says, "I missed the last episode of 'The Sopranos"--how about I come by your place tomorrow night to watch it?" she wants you to make a move. I suppose it's possible that you could end up making said move and be rebuffed, but a woman who invites herself over to the apartment of the guy she's been dating to "watch television" and then slaps him away if he tries to kiss her is being--to say the least--disingenuous. Women may be oblique at times, but we generally know what we're doing and what certain situations imply. She may not be interested in doing more than making out, but she's at least interested in making out, and if she claims otherwise then she's playing games with you. And, trust me--male or female, a game-player is something nobody needs.

3. When a woman you've been seeing calls you up and says, "Why don't you come out to my house in the Hamptons tomorrow and spend the night? I have two roommates but they have to go back to the City tomorrow afternoon," she definitely wants you to make a move. I mean--sheesh!--do you need a house to fall on you? The eagle has landed, my friend. The bull is in the corral. The third-base coach is waving you in. All systems are go and this is not a drill. She's inviting you to spend the night alone with her in an empty house, for crying out loud! Short of an actual engraved invitation, complete with RSVP card, the signals don't get much clearer than this.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?

Gwen Cooper is the author of Diary of a South Beach Party Girl, recently published by Simon & Schuster. To read all of Gwen Cooper's posts in "The Dating Life," click here.