The Breast and Brightest

by Nicholas Allen — June 23, 2007

We have the lovely and charming commenter Angela to thank for today's blog entry, dedicated to the subject of real versus fake breasts, and how the average man on the street (as represented by me) regards the "to enhance, or not to enhance" question. As mentioned in a previous post, I am a self-admitted breast man from as far back as I can remember (I remember seeing Sophia Loren in a bathing suit at the tender age of seven, and my life was changed forever). So when Angela asked the question in the commenters' forum, I was only too happy to seize the...opportunity. To move things along, I've prepared today's blog in a helpful and handy Q&A format.

Q: Can men tell the difference between real and fake breasts?
A: You betcha. Sometimes the giveaways are obvious, such as breasts that are completely disproportionate in size and shape to the rest of a woman's body. Sometimes the plastic surgeon, frankly, hasn't done a very good job. Even without these anomalies, however, fake breasts look different, feel different, move different, and--believe it or not--taste different than the real ones. And the deadest of giveaways is when a woman is lying on her back, but her breasts don't change shape or position. Even if you manage to fool us while your clothes are on, sooner or later we'll figure it out.

Q: Do men have a preference one way or the other?
A: I can only offer my own opinion on the subject, which is as follows: Fake breasts look great in print, lousy on video, and fair-to-middling in real life. My own very strong preference is for real breasts, even when they're small and/or imperfect. If there's one thing I thank God in heaven for every day, it's the female breast. When you love something as much as I do, you want the real thing and will never be entirely satisfied with a substitute.

There are men who, unfathomable as it seems to me, prefer fake breasts. Some men don't care one way or the other, but the men who prefer fake breasts outright are usually the men who like plastic-looking--"trophy-ish" might be another way of putting it--women. These are the men who like strippers, porn stars, and women who date rich men professionally, because such women, carrying thousands of dollars worth of surgery on their chests, look "expensive." Some men assume that if they're seen with these women on their arms, the people around him will presume him to be rich. This is important to them. I don't know a lot of these guys personally, but I'm told that many of them work on Wall Street.

Q: Would you date a woman if you knew her breasts to be fake?
A: Of course I would. I would date the right woman if she had no breasts at all. I once knew (but didn't date--unfortunately for me, she was already married) a woman who'd had reconstructive surgery on her breasts after recovering from breast cancer. She was one of the most remarkable women I've ever known, and I would have been honored to date her had she been available. I speak now only of general preferences, and my general preference is for the real ones. Plus, I've heard that many women lose nipple sensitivity after having breast implants. Female nipple sensitivity is involved in at least 50% of my foreplay game plan, so I'd just as soon engage with women who have more of it rather than less.

I hope this helps shed some light on an endlessly fascinating subject. Feel free to write in with your comments, concerns, or questions you'd like answered in future blogs. And many thanks to Angela again!

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.