I Don't Want My Friends to Be Where I've Been

by Nicholas Allen — July 10, 2007

A good friend sat me down last night and broke the news that he's started dating my ex-girlfriend. Had you told me a week ago that a scenario like this might come up, I probably would've shrugged my shoulders and said, "Whatever. She and I were finished a long time ago and I don't care who she goes out with now." When I heard the news last night, however, I found myself remembering the story of the time my friend had been caught fooling around with another guy's girlfriend, and had used the girlfriend as a human shield to block the boyfriend's punches while he struggled to get dressed and get out before he got his ass kicked. And then I wondered if I should maybe call my ex-girlfriend and give her a heads-up about the kind of guy my friend sometimes is.

In other words, I wasn't nearly as okay with it as I would've thought I'd be.

It would help if I could accuse my friend of disloyalty or insensitivity. But this particular girlfriend and I split upwards of five years ago, so it's hardly like he's prying open any fresh wounds or kicking me while I'm down. And, to be honest, this woman and I weren't especially serious at the time. We had a great few months and a lot of laughs, and then just sort of drifted apart for those vague, hard-to-define reasons that seem very life and death at the time, but that you afterwards find yourself hard-pressed to remember. (Was it that she was too busy with work? Was it that I was always going out with the boys? Why did we break up anyway? I wonder how she looks these days...)

I try to think of myself as an enlightened, sensitive, new millennium kind of a guy, not some chest-thumping, overly territorial Neanderthal. But, although it shames me to admit it, I don't want my friends to be where I've been--at least not when it comes to women. And hearing that my friend is now with my ex fills me with nothing so much as the desire to swoop in, hang a "Sold" sign around her neck, and beat back any of my friends who so much as think about calling her--with brute force, if necessary.

Not that I intend to do any of those things. At least not right now. But I think it's safe to say that there aren't any double dates in our immediate future.

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.