Single and Fabulous

by Gwen Cooper — July 5, 2007

There's a cover story in last week's Time Out New York that I finally got around to reading called "Attack of the Single Women." Apparently, the most recent census figures show there are 185,000 more single women than men in the tri-state area (New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut for you West Coast types). What do these women want? Why can't they find men? Are they perhaps (say it ain't so!) actually happier being single? These are the questions the article seeks to answer. Here's my question: Why do they have to keep treating single women like we're some sort of social-anthropology freak show, parading us around as a cautionary tale every few years?

It seems that--as a single woman expressing indignation over these constant "plight of the single woman" media stories--you can't even begin to discuss the subject without offering the obligatory, "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with not being single." So, as you read this, please take it for granted that I wish nothing but health and happiness for my married counterparts. I have no philosophical or practical objection to wedded bliss. Given how many couples end up filing for divorce--and that women are roughly twice as likely as men to do the filing--I remain skeptical as to its long-term ability to produce satisfaction, but that's neither here nor there.

In all fairness, TONY does state that the single women they interviewed for the piece seemed perfectly happy being single. But they also go on to say: "[W]e detected a sort of metadespair, a despair over not despairing, because many of the women we spoke with want to get married in time, and have children, but wonder what will ultimately compel them to take those steps if they're truly happy going solo."

Translation: We've spent the past couple of decades trying to get you to worry that you might end up being single forever. Now that you're finally reconciled to--and even happy about--the idea of possibly being single forever, we think you should worry about how not worried you are.

No to mention that by the time you wake up to the fact that you can't be completely happy in life without a man, THERE MAY NOT BE ENOUGH MEN TO GO AROUND!

Am I the only one who feels like the media's spent the past 20 years--with all their articles about how a single woman over 30 is more likely to be killed by terrorists than find a husband (not true, by the way); or all their TV shows about neurotic, man-chasing single women; not to mention the slew of "self-help" books dedicated to instructing women in the fine art of snagging a guy before it's too late--trying to get us to panic that we might never find a man? But, y'know, not panicked to the point that we give up or anything. Just panicked enough that we bend over backwards trying to figure out how the heck we can keep these fickle, elusive men happy.

In the end, I suppose I can only speak for myself--so here goes: I'm happy to be in a relationship when it's the right relationship. And when it isn't, then I'm happy to be alone. Nobody needs to commission a study or requisition census data or write a soul-searching, 50-page treatise to figure it out. Please stop trying to explain what's wrong with me in easy terms I'll understand; the mere asking of the question is, in itself, "what's wrong with me." It'll stop being a problem the second you leave me alone.

Gwen Cooper is the author of Diary of a South Beach Party Girl, recently published by Simon & Schuster. To read all of Gwen Cooper's posts in "The Dating Life," click here.