Double Blind

by Nicholas Allen — August 8, 2007

As a single man of a certain age, I've been the victim of more than my fair share of blind dates and fix-ups. Why it is that my coupled-up friends can't stand the thought of my wandering the earth all by my lonesome, sans wife or even girlfriend, is probably one of those great unanswerable questions--like What's man's role in the universe? or Why do we hurt the ones we love?

There are three types of fix-ups that I've been subjected to. The first is the purely blind date, where a friend gives me the phone number of a girl he or she knows and leaves it up to me to call and arrange a one-on-one date with said girl. I've heard great success stories from friends who've been set up on dates like this, but unfortunately I have none to contribute on my own--unless you can call sitting awkwardly and groping for conversation with a woman for whom you feel no sexual attraction whatsoever a success.

The second kind of fix-up is the double date fix-up. This usually involves some buddy of mine who has a girlfriend/wife who has a friend who'd be "just perfect" for me, so the buddy suggests that the four of us go out together sometime--to "take the pressure" off of a one-on-one situation. The upside to this scenario is that I have friends there to smooth over any glaring lack of chemistry between my date and me. This kind of date produces its own awkwardness, however, in that I'm put in the position of navigating a first date with an audience present. Plus, when--as inevitably happens--my date or I or both of us decide that we don't want to pursue things further, I have to answer questions along the lines of, "But it seemed like you guys were having such a good time. Why don't you want to see her again?" At which point I can only refer my admittedly well-intentioned friend to the first paragraph above, re: life's unanswerable questions.

Before you write me off as a total pessimist, however, I was the object--with no prior knowledge--last night of the third type of fix-up, which I like to call "the group scene." In this scenario, some friends have a dinner party or small group gathering of some kind, to which everybody invited is part of a couple except me and one female. Nobody acknowledges that this is a fix-up or ever puts it in those terms, but you don't have to be Noah to count all the two-by-twos around the table and surmise why there are two singles of opposite sexes there on their own.

Anyway, as I said, this was the type of fix-up to which I was subjected last night...and it wasn't half bad. It was pretty great, actually. The woman, named Patricia, was smart and funny (at least I think she was--men have a very bad habit of calling any woman who laughs at their jokes "funny"). And she was, at the risk of sounding superficial, just my type physically: dark and curvy, with long hair and the kind of great boobs that make you wish you could bury your face between them and...

Um, where was I?

Right. So the upshot is that, during a discreet moment as everybody was gathering purses and umbrellas and preparing to leave, I asked for her phone number and made plans to see her tomorrow night. I'll keep you posted as to how it goes...

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.