Sophisticated Gentleman or Creepy Old Man?

by Nicholas Allen — August 6, 2007

One of my best friends, a guy in his mid-forties, told me a story the other day that was both amusing and heartbreaking. Let me first say that this particular friend, while in his forties, has the emotional maturity of a teenager--and I mean that completely literally. He's one of these guys who's always dated women in their early twenties, not because he'll only date women who are young and hot, but mostly because women in their early twenties are the only ones who'll put up with him. I've watched him when he's out with women closer to his own age, and these women end up rolling their eyes so hard at every word coming out of his mouth, they practically concuss themselves.

So the other day, he walks into the laundry room of his apartment building and comes upon a gorgeous young girl, about 21 or so, in short-shorts, listening to her iPod and dancing around the room while waiting for her clothes to come out of the dryer. When my friend, Matt, walked in, she was initially startled. But the two of them nevertheless chatted amiably enough for a couple of minutes. She then left, saying she'd be back later when her clothes were dry. She returned in about 20 minutes, wearing long baggy pants and accompanied by another girl.

Matt told me this story, under the impression that he had a shot if he were to ask her out on a date. "I hate to break it to you," I told him, "but if you had any kind of a shot, she wouldn't have left and then come back wearing more clothing and with a friend. Hell, she wouldn't have left at all. She would have stayed and chatted you up until you asked for her number."

"So, wait." He seemed genuinely perplexed. "You're saying she brought her friend just so I wouldn't be able to ask her out?"

"I think," I said, as sympathetically as I could, "that she probably went upstairs and told her friend, 'Hey, there's some creepy old guy hitting on me in the laundry room. Can you come down with me so I don't have to be alone with him?'"

The problem is that Matt genuinely doesn't see himself as being any older than he was twenty years ago. And, on many levels, he isn't. But the hard fact remains that he's a man in his forties and--barring any private jets or offshore bank accounts he might have stashed away--he's going to be perceived as "creepy" by the twenty-something girls he wants to date. It's nothing personal. All of us hit that age eventually. Some of us, who've dated age-appropriate women every step of the way, aren't even aware when it happens, because we've long since given over trying to impress college seniors. Others, not so much.

One of my favorite movies of all times is Dazed and Confused, and Matthew McConaughey has one of my favorite lines in it. His character--a man well beyond his own high school years--is checking out a group of high school girls walking past him, and he says: "That's the great thing about high school girls, man: I keep getting older, but they stay the same age."

Exactly.

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.