Crushing Encounter

by Gwen Cooper — September 26, 2007

I ran into my high school crush at a party last night. He was a senior and I but a lowly freshman when I first met him--although "met" may be too strong of a word. I spent my days obsessively watching him walk down the halls; he, as our encounter last night proved, didn't even know I existed.

I might not even have gone over to speak to him last night if he hadn't caught me in the middle of a stare. I whipped my neck around to catch a glimpse of him so quickly, more than a few people noticed--including the friends I was standing with. So, not wanting to give the impression of being a complete lunatic, I explained the connection to my friends and went over to confront my erstwhile crush before anybody could talk me out of it.

"Hey," I said to him. "Don't I know you? Didn't you go to NMB High?"

The look on his face was one of utter shock, quickly followed by the strained look of a man attempting to pretend that he knew who the hell I was, so as not to appear impolite or be forced to explain that he couldn't remember ever having seen me before in his life.

"I used to spend all my time looking for you in the hallways or the cafeteria," I told him. "I had a crush on you like you wouldn't believe."

"I'm flattered," he replied.

And he seemed to mean it. We talked for a while about the old neighborhood and teachers we'd had in common, and what had become of various people in his graduating class and in mine. It was amusing to watch his face go from bemused non-recognition to marked interest as we spoke. I could tell he was thinking that, however much he might not have noticed me when I was 14, he was certainly noticing me now.

We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers before parting ways, and he promised to call me today. Unless I'm completely off-track, he's planning to ask me out. I have no intention of going--I've been down this road already, spending time with an old crush without Robert's knowing about it. Things went in a bad direction last time, one that left me feeling guilty for weeks and almost cost me my relationship.

But as Robert and I keep talking about moving in together--with me being persistently unable to make myself enthusiastic about the idea--and as I randomly keep finding myself very attracted to other men...I can't help wondering if there's a bigger picture here that I'm ignoring...

Gwen Cooper is the author of Diary of a South Beach Party Girl, recently published by Simon & Schuster. To read all of Gwen Cooper's posts in "The Dating Life," click here.