He Let Me?

by Gwen Cooper — September 28, 2007

I have a dear friend who's fond of saying how wonderful Robert is because he "let" me publish my book. The book, filled as it is with SoBe-style sex and drugs and scandal, might indeed be uncomfortable for some men to imagine having been penned by their girlfriends or wives. And I do appreciate how wonderful Robert is--although for entirely different reasons. Whether or not things will work out for us in the long run is, of course, something I can't know right this second. But, still, the whole "he let me publish the book" train of thought is one that always rankles with me, just a teeny tiny bit.

It's not really for the obvious implication--that I would have somehow needed permission from Robert, or anybody, to write and publish any type of book I wanted (well, other than needing the permission of a publisher being willing to publish it!). Robert and I actually started dating about a week after the book came out, at which point it was long past his control. But even if we'd been dating earlier, I can't imagine that I would have let him, or anybody, talk me out of it, unless people had been able to persuade me that the darn thing was just so very bad, nobody would ever pay to put it in print.

That's not what my friend means, though. What he's really saying is that it's so wonderful of Robert to put up with somebody like me, who's written a book filled with the aforementioned sex and drugs and scandal. The assumption is that I, myself, must have lived a life almost as scandalous as that of my characters, and it would take an exceptionally high-minded sort of fellow to look past all that and agree to be with me in the first place.

On any similarities--real or perceived--between my characters and me, I won't comment here. But I will say that who I am today is a direct result of all the other things I've ever done. And I like who I am today. I've made mistakes and done a few things that, in the light of cold sobriety, I wouldn't mind taking back. (Haven't we all?) But anybody who ever felt that he had to "get over" certain things for the sake of being with me--well, let's just say that I wouldn't see that person as being as "wonderful" as my friend says Robert is.

Naturally, none of this has to do with Robert. Robert never says things like this and, so far as I can tell, doesn't even think them. He's been nothing but proud of me for having written a book. And I realize I shouldn't care what somebody else thinks about our relationship. In the end, the only two people whose opinion on the subject matters are Robert and me.

Still, I felt the need to dispel any notion that Robert "lets" me do anything. I'm my own person, just as he is his, and we will stay together or break up solely on that basis. The only thing I'm hoping for in the immediate future is that Robert lets me get back into bed with him right now. It's very early as I'm writing this, and I wouldn't mind a couple more hours of sleep before facing the day...

Gwen Cooper is the author of Diary of a South Beach Party Girl, recently published by Simon & Schuster. To read all of Gwen Cooper's posts in "The Dating Life," click here.