Lustiness or Laziness?

by Gwen Cooper — September 12, 2007

Fall is upon us and Robert and I are full of plans--theater tickets, parties, weekend getaways to watch the leaves change (an annual phenomenon that still always knocks me out, being from Miami originally). Normally, Robert and I are very good about executing such plans. We enjoy being that couple about whom people say, "Those two are always doing something interesting!" Lately, though, we haven't been able to get a single plan off the ground. Our ideas have been accumulating like piles of fall leaves, which will eventually be stuffed into trash bags or simply blow away in the first breeze. The reason?

We can't make it out of bed long enough to get anything done.

By this, I don't mean that we're tired or suffering from some kind of seasonal fatigue. I mean that, for reasons I can't fully grasp (as it were), we seem to be spending every second not already devoted to working, eating, or sleeping having sex.

It's not just potential autumnal plans that are suffering. My morning workout routine has been completely abandoned over the past couple of weeks (in my darker moments, I think this may be some sort of actual scheme on Robert's part--who never wanted me to lose any weight in the first place). But how can I help it? He just looks so darn cute and sleepy and sexy, first thing in the morning, when he hasn't gotten out of bed or put any clothes on yet...

I'm sorry. Where was I?

Friends have begun leaving messages or sending emails expressing concern over the fact that they haven't seen or spoken to me in weeks. When I talked to my mother on the phone last night, I got a double-dose of her usual You don't call, you don't write Jewish-mother-guilt routine--a definite sign that I've been neglecting parental duties of late.

Initially, I accepted this as simply a product of those monthly hormonal fluctuations we women go through--where one day the only physical contact you're psyched for is the foot massage you get with your pedicure, and the next the only thing you can think about is ripping some guy's clothes off with your teeth. As the days have become weeks, however, I'm starting to reevaluate that theory. So far, I haven't come up with any completely satisfactory explanation--although I'm sure I will, once the blood starts flowing back to my brain.

In the meantime, Robert and I continue to make "pillow talk" about plans for the next few months that, at this rate, don't have a shot at coming to fruition until the fall of '08. Ah, well. At least our hearts (and hands...and lips...and other parts...) are in the right place. The spirit is willing, but the flesh...the flesh, my friends, is apparently very, very weak.

Gwen Cooper is the author of Diary of a South Beach Party Girl, recently published by Simon & Schuster. To read all of Gwen Cooper's posts in "The Dating Life," click here.