Romantic Landmarks

by Nicholas Allen — September 4, 2007

If you live in New York long enough--and I've lived in Manhattan for going on 20 years--you'll find that certain public landmarks keep popping up in your private life. There will be restaurants, or clubs, or coffee bars, or bookstores, or certain streets that you end up returning to repeatedly, although not always with the same people.

Through no particular intention, I've found that the Empire State Building is one of those places, and I've been there with just about every girlfriend I've had. The first time I went (other than on a grade-school field trip when I was a kid) was about 15 years ago. I went with a Swedish woman who I'd met while living there, and who moved here to live with me when I returned. The relationship itself was something of a disaster, but that one day was an unqualified success. "I see now why you have to return here," she said to me, as we looked out over the sprawling city below us. I don't care how long you've lived in New York--you haven't really seen it until you've seen it from the top of the Empire State Building, and I think it was the first time my Swedish girl had truly understood why, no matter where else I lived or how long I lived there, I'd always have to come back to New York eventually. Like I said, the relationship turned out to be a horribly failed experiment, but at the time it was as if (as she later put it) I was sharing something essential with her--something that was a major part of what made me, me.

I love this city, and loving it goes a long way toward defining who I am. It's amazing how many people live here, and have lived here for years, but have never made the time to visit some of the city's most definitive landmarks. "Too touristy," the average Manhattanite will sniff disdainfully when you mention the Empire State Building, or the Statue of Liberty, or Ellis Island, or Tavern on the Green. I do understand where they're coming from. But, since that first time with the girl from Sweden, the Empire State Building is one of those places I find myself returning to, through no conscious design, whenever I feel a relationship is progressing to the "serious" stage. In sharing the whole city in one sweeping moment of visual grandeur, I feel as if I'm opening up a door in my psyche to the woman I'm with.

Things couldn't have gone better with Patricia meeting my parents this weekend, which made me feel quite a bit closer to her. Nevertheless, she was the one--in a fit of impulsivity on Sunday morning--who suggested we visit the Empire State Building. "I know it's kind of touristy," she offered apologetically, "but I don't think I've ever been there. And it's a gorgeous day--I bet we'll be able to see forever!"

With our arms amiably wrapped around each other from the 86th floor observatory, we ignored the occasional jostling from midwestern tourists and were silent for a long while as we simply took in the view before us. "Hey," she suddenly said. "When's the last time you were here?"

I have a policy (one, I think, that's fairly well-advised) against talking to current girlfriends about previous ones, at least in the early stages of a relationship. So I gestured vaguely and replied, "Oh, you know...I make it out here every so often..."

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.