Setting the Pace

by Nicholas Allen — September 1, 2007

You wouldn't think it to watch TV shows about young urban singles, or read any of the advice books foisted on women these days, but men are as concerned with not pushing too hard or too fast for a commitment as women are. Women can be scared off by an over-eager man just as easily as we're scared off by women who show up on second dates with moving vans. It can be even scarier for us than it is for women, in that it's so frequently the case that the onus is put on us for setting the pace of a relationship. Ask a woman to stop seeing other men too soon, and you run the risk of scaring her off (or, what's almost as bad, being shot down on the spot). Wait too long to ask and a woman is apt to read lack of interest into your lack of speech.

But it's Friday morning as I write this, and Patricia is to meet my parents today. The two of us will join my father at the U.S. Open this afternoon, and then the three of us will meet up with my mom for a cozy dinner for four.

Assuming they like her (awww...how could anybody not like Patricia?), tomorrow will be a round of pointed questions from my folks regarding status, intentions, etc. And while I feel no particular obligation to have answers to certain questions merely for their sakes--well, once the questions come up, they'll be stuck in my head too. Where do things stand with Patricia? Where is this all going?

So, last night at dinner, I made up my mind to be bold and daring and straightforward. Which is to say that I waited until I got an opening that would allow me to bring the subject up as subtly as possible.

Patricia was curious, of course, about my parents--wanting to be fully prepped on personalities and temperaments ahead of meeting them. "You know, they're going to have a lot of questions about you, too," I finally said.

Patricia arched an eyebrow. "Such as...?"

I felt like I was blushing slightly as I replied, "Well, they'll want to know if they're just meeting some girl, or if they're meeting my girlfriend."

Patricia was smiling now. "And what will you tell them?"

"Well, I'm not dating anybody else, and..."

"Neither am I," she hastily added.

The two of us sat there grinning like idiots. "Then I guess they're meeting my girlfriend," I said happily.

And there you have it. My parents are meeting my girlfriend today. I have a girlfriend.

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.