Thoughtful or Overthinking It?

by Nicholas Allen — September 15, 2007

A girlfriend's birthday can be tough to navigate for any guy at any stage of a relationship (we men not traditionally being known for our outstanding ability to make the right gesture on a given occasion). I've known men who went from "taken" to "single" in the span of 24 hours for getting the birthday or anniversary thing wrong. But, while birthdays can always be a potential minefield, they're especially so when they crop up during the early stages of a new relationship. All of which is by way of saying that Patricia's birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I'm at a complete loss as to what to get her.

Actually, the problem is twofold. The first problem is: How "big" of a present do I go for? Going too big could scare her off, or seem like I'm trying too hard. Too small, on the other hand, could send a message that I don't care--a message that, in this case, couldn't be further from the truth.

Then there's also the question of what, exactly, I should get her. I generally think that the middle ground between big and small is the way to go, but that the gift should be heavy on thoughtfulness. The small, but important, gesture of having paid close attention and gotten exactly the right gift usually trumps issues of pricing any time. The only problem is, I don't know Patricia all that well yet. I like her--more than I can say--but that one, perfect gift that would show her I care and listen when she talks and put a lot of consideration into the gesture...that gift is still eluding me at this point.

There's always the option of jewelry, but jewelry--regardless of price--runs the risk of feeling impersonal or generic, unless there's some special significance to the particular piece. I once had a girlfriend, for example, who loved anything containing opals or moonstones--so a large and unusually shaped moonstone pendant, unlike anything I'd ever seen, became a birthday gift on one occasion.

This case is tougher for me, though. A nice dinner out--booked well in advance--goes without saying, but the gift itself is leaving me boggled. So I ask you women (and even men) who read this blog: any ideas? Your advice is gratefully accepted...

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.