A Good Guy Going to Waste?

by Nicholas Allen — October 25, 2007

When you're an unmarried, heterosexual man with a job in New York, people consider it their sacred obligation—nay, privilege—to take you off the market as soon as possible. Friends' girlfriends are constantly trying to fix you up with their friends. Dating services (and I'm still not sure how they ferret us out) send postcards in the mail, chirpily promising to find your Ms. Right for a low, low fee. Co-workers drop by to suggest blind dates with their acquaintances as casually as they ask if you want in on the office football pool. Nobody, it seems, can live with the idea of your being single one minute longer than you absolutely need to be.

Almost everybody I know knows at this point that Patricia is moving away. Their reactions are mostly sympathetic, and I do appreciate the sympathy. But the conversations in which we discuss Patricia's imminent departure usually somehow veer in the direction of, "I know this great girl who I think you'd really like...if you'd be interested in meeting her..." And then, after I look vaguely horrified, they hastily add,"You know—whenever you're ready."

Okay, look—obviously I know I will date again. I'm even optimistic enough, in my more objective moments, to believe that someday I'll love again. I'm not exactly sure what the expiration date on "again" is, but I'm pretty sure that I won't be seeing Patricia off at the airport and then jump in a cab immediately afterward to head back into town and meet the utterly charming friend of so-and-so's for getting-to-know-you drinks.

When I was a child, I remember that after a particularly well-loved dog died, my parents brought a new puppy home almost immediately. They undoubtedly believed this would be the best way to make me feel better about my loss, and maybe they were right. But the remedies of childhood don't always apply to an adult's sense of loss. The best way to get over an old love may be to get on with a new one, but...so soon? People are suggesting these fix-ups to me before Patricia has even left? Is there no sense of a respectable grieving period?

I know my friends want to help, but I also know that people who are part of a couple themselves hate to see an eligible friend "go to waste," as it were, by remaining uncoupled himself. And while I appreciate that my friends think I'm such a great catch, I wish they'd wait at least until, say, Patricia's suitcases were packed before they start making plans for my post-Patricia life.