Without Saying a Word

by Nicholas Allen — October 23, 2007

In every relationship, there are the things you talk about and the things you don't. Sometimes it's about tactfulness—you don't always want to be talking about exes, or the things you'd occasionally rather be doing than spending time with your significant other. Sometimes there are things in your past that are best not shared.

Now that Patricia is moving away in just two weeks, there seems to be no end of things for us to talk about. We're coordinating plans around packing up her apartment, researching car purchases (she'll need one once she moves away), arranging good-bye dinners and get-togethers with friends. We talk about what her new job will be like, the challenges and opportunities it will provide.

What we're conspicuously not talking about is how things will be between us once she's left. Somewhere in the backs of our minds, I know we're both dreading the separation, and the inevitable things that always come after a breakup, no matter how involuntary the breakup may be. Sooner or later, we'll both start dating again. If Patricia is anything like me, this is a prospect she's far from looking forward to—not just because Patricia is the only woman I'm interested in right now, but also because there's nothing more dismal than the prospect of dating again when you're just coming off of a fulfilling relationship that's made you as happy as knowing Patricia has made me.

But we don't talk about these things. We talk around hypothetical future visits we'll make to see each other after Patricia moves, but we almost never get into the specifics. I think we both know how unlikely it is that we'll be able to make a go of this long distance.

Sometimes, the urge to tell Patricia how very much I'll miss her after she leaves is almost overwhelming. But she's happy about her exciting new job, and I don't want to take a second of that away from her.

And, anyway, I like to think she can tell. The other day, while we were at her apartment going through things she'd be leaving and things she'd be taking, she came upon the birthday card I gave her just a few weeks ago. It was only for a second, but there was a look on her face that said all the things I've been thinking, as clearly as if she'd spoken the words aloud.

In any relationship, there are the things you talk about and the things you don't. And then there are the things that go without saying...

Nicholas Allen is a writer and columnist based in Manhattan. To read all of his blogs, click here.