Can Men and Women Be Friends?

by Benjamin Todd — November 26, 2007

Can men and women be friends? Is "When Harry Met Sally" the greatest romantic comedy ever made? The answer is subjective, or objective...I never learned the difference, so, maybe both.

I always believed that a non-sexual friendship between men and women was possible. My best friend since I was 3 years old happens to be female, and nothing ever happened between us. So, yes, men and women can be friends. Although, there was a time when she was attracted to me, and didn't say anything. And there was a time when I was attracted to her, and I did say something (big mistake). So, no, men and women can't be just friends. There must be something attractive about the other person that would make us want to hang out with them. Whether it's their personality, or style, or sense of humor, or maybe even that you just like being seen with them (those are great friends for making exes jealous). But in the end, there has to be something there, some connection between the male and female that would cause them to want to friends. If the attraction isn't coming from him, then it's definitely coming from her, maybe.

And then there's the whole Will & Grace option to consider. Maybe he's not attracted to her because he's not attracted to women at all. Does that even count? No, I don't think it does, unless she wishes he was attracted to women, specifically to herself, in which case it would only count because she was attracted to her friend, who is gay. Is it possible for a straight gal and a gay gal (lesbian to be politically correct) to be just friends? I have no experience there, maybe you can help.

I think it's also important to take into consideration the level of friendship that is being shared between male and female. There's a fine line that you're dancing on if your best friend is very good looking, always around, and of the opposite gender...be careful there before someone gets hurt.

I once read that in every relationship, there is always a 'kisser' and a 'kissed'--meaning that one person is always putting in more effort than the other, or one wants something from the other. I would be a hypocrite if I said that men and women shouldn't be friends, but I think it's also very important to understand which role you play in the relationship, and whether or not you'd make out with your friend given the chance.

So, yes, men and women can be friends, maybe.

Or maybe not.