New Girl in Town

by Benjamin Todd — November 28, 2007

So, I recently wrote a blog about online dating, and I wanted to follow up about a trend that I've noticed that has been bothering me. Have you ever had one of those friends that gets DRAGGED into a relationship? I mean, their significant other is ALWAYS around, and your friend is starting to disappear because of it. You start to wonder after a while if your friend's lover has any friends of their own. And when you ask, it turns out, they don't. I don't get that. It never made sense to me to get involved with someone when you don't have anyone else to spend time with. You become more reliant on your boyfriend or girlfriend than in love with them. Relationships where you need more than you love are not healthy. Trust me, I've been there.

So the point of this blog is to address the new girls in town. All over the dating Web sites, I see attractive, intelligent, available women who are looking for a guy to solve their new-in-town loneliness problem. Pardon me, but that's not too bright. The first friend you make in your new town is the guy you're dating? If things don't work out, you're back to square one. Who do you complain about him to, his friends? There are Web sites dedicated to helping people get out and meet new people--sites that don't imply any kind of romantic involvement. Why try the dating ones first? I'm even seeing women who haven't even MOVED HERE YET that are looking for relationships! Doesn't it seem more appropriate to make some new friends before finding a new boyfriend?

I've been the new kid in town. Fresh out of a relationship with no one to hang out with and no one to talk to (other than my friends from back home); things were hard. But I was clearly in no shape to be looking for a relationship. I know it isn't easy, but for women everywhere, I'm glad I didn't date during that period of my life. I'm hoping that women can realize that dating isn't going to solve their temporary social shortcomings. Sure, getting that kind of attention is always going to lift your spirits. But getting out of a relationship with no support system will hurt a lot more than that relationship ever helped.

Sure it's hard being new. And having someone around to keep you warm on those cold winter nights seems like a great solution. But trust me, you'll be a lot better off if you wait this one out and establish yourself first. Before you know it, you'll be adapted, available, and ready to rock and roll. Have some patience and some faith in yourself. (And because this blog wouldn't be complete without a reference to the biggest boy band from the early 90's) You won't always be the 'new kid on the block'. After all, you got the right stuff, baby.