Faking It

by Benjamin Todd — December 17, 2007

It's not that I don't appreciate the thought, but I know I'm not that good. I know my loud neighbor isn't that good, and I know most guys aren't as good as they think they are. So why are you faking it? Maybe he needs a little encouragement, and you're ready for him to get off of you. Maybe he's got low self esteem. Maybe he compares himself to your ex too much (who really was that good). But it has to stop somewhere.

It's not that we don't want to believe that we're that good in bed. It's fantastic hearing compliments (from long-term girlfriends or one night stands) but sometimes it just gets to be a little unrealistic. You act like we're not even paying attention to your details. So why all the dramatics?

Sure, I already listed several reasons why women fake orgasms, but there's a much better reason to not be faking it (note: once every few weeks is excusable): If he's convinced he's getting you off EVERY TIME without really putting in the necessary work, you are doing yourself, him, and let me repeat YOURSELF a disservice. You deserve yours too. Sex should be like Chinese food--not over until you BOTH get your cookies. And letting him believe he's doing you right is only going to make him lazy. Men don't want to put in more effort than they have to, unless there's a challenge involved. It's up to you to tell him what to do right. Obviously telling him what he's doing wrong won't make for a great conversation, but telling him what he could do to help is never too hard to hear.

Maybe he's not worth the communication effort. Maybe he just doesn't listen. Or maybe, heaven forbid, he's just too small. But if there's reason to want him to improve, there's reason for you to speak up. No one is unteachable, especially if incentives are involved (incentives are f-u-n). So, for a while, for me, please, knock off the charade and get back to the basics. I can't say no one is that good, but I can say that we can always get better.

Read all of Benjamin Todd's posts to The Dating Life.