Bad Kisser

by Benjamin Todd — January 4, 2008

I had met her a few months before, she and I had both been in relationships at the time, but there was an obvious connection between us from the get go. When she and I ran into each other again, each of us single, there was little hesitation. I asked her for her phone number right away, we made plans to meet the next night, and we were halfway through our first cocktail on our first date when we shared our first kiss. That kiss and date and drink should have been our last. As soon as our lips connected, the excitement was gone. She was a bad kisser.

It's hard to say what makes a bad kisser; everyone has different opinions and preferences. But her rock solid lips and mechanical technique were enough to make me feel like I'd just slammed my hand in the car door. Unfortunately, reacting to a bad kiss by recoiling in pain and terror is more than just a little rude, so I had to pretend there wasn't anything wrong. I tried to push through our conversation like nothing had irked me, but my mind was elsewhere and my feet were feeling flighty.

Is there any way to communicate to someone that they are an abominable make-out partner? Sure I've kissed women before and wondered how they could possibly think what they were doing was pleasurable for either of us, but is there a way to delicately bring up the fact if there was a wrong way to lock lips with someone they had found it? There has to be some way of letting someone know that their tongue work needs some retooling.

I wrote a blog recently about a friend of mine who thought she should break up with her boyfriend because she found him watching porn, and I found that ridiculous. Here I am saying that I wouldn't even go out on a second date with a girl who I found to be a bad kisser, so I'm the ridiculous one. Or maybe there should be a class for men and women to learn whether or not they are a bad kisser and how they can get better (we can always get better). Either way, anyway, I'm not going out with Stone Lips again, don't judge me.

Read all of Benjamin Todd's posts to The Dating Life.